Penis envy?

I really was having second thoughts about this story.

Especially when the story circulated around our group of friends and I watched the reaction (mostly from the males in the group) which, based on the expressions, was one of extreme pain and knee clenching.

In Westminister, CA, a woman was charged with cutting off her husband’s penis with a 10 inch kitchen knife (read).

A 10 inch kitchen knife?

Must’ve needed some visual appeal during the act, like a sushi chef.  I wonder if she clanged it against the bed posts and flipped it around after cutting it off, maybe flipping it into a colander before dumping it down the garbage disposal and turning it on.  I could only imagine the show at the sink. I also wonder if the bedroom is within eyeshot of the kitchen and the sink.

 

Story has it that she drugged his food. He felt ill and went to bed to lie down.  He woke up to find himself tied down to the bed when she attacked him.

She must’ve used the same type of chains that shackled her in jail when she tied him down, because I’m sure that if there's a hidden, superhuman power that surfaces when the need arises (sorry), it should’ve kicked in and he would’ve snapped almost any bonds holding him down when he saw her approaching with that knife.

And then there's the flourish she used to end the show. I’m sure she remembers the John Bobbitt story and how they were able to sew it back on.  The garbage disposal solved that remedy.

She then called police and advised them of a medical emergency.  Really? 

I would love to have heard that call.

“911 operator.  What’s your emergency?”.

“Uhmmm, my husband’s hurt”. (Screaming in background)

“How is he hurt, ma’am?”.

“Uhmmm, he’s bleeding”. (Screaming in background)

“Why is he bleeding?”

“Uhmmmmm, he deserved it”. (Screaming in background)

“Ooookay. Does he need medical?”

“Uhmmm, yeah. And a locksmith”. (Screaming in background, “And a plumber!!!!”)

“A locksmith?”.

“Yeah, for the chains”. (Screaming in background, “PLUMBERRRR!!!”)

“Ooooookay.  I’m sending medical and an officer. Maybe a couple of them”.

When officers arrived, she told them “he deserved it” before showing them his profusely (really?) bleeding body.  She refused to speak to officers afterwards, obviously engaging her right to remain silent (screaming in background). And at that point, I'm sure they would have advised her with vigor and sincerity that she had the right to remain so.

The victim was transported to the hospital and suffered through surgery, and I’m sure some “Kodak” moments while under anesthesia (for research of course).

The local newspaper called and asked for an interview from the victim.  His only response was a squeaky “it’s a private matter”, apparently forgetting that the private part was long gone.

When officers visited him at the hospital, they stated he was in “amazingly good spirits considering everything he has gone through”.  Uh huh.

The fact that he had any spirits at all would be remarkable indeed. 

Maybe he fibbed a bit about his “manhood” when talking to the reconstructive surgeon?