Best Excuses "Trying" not to get a Traffic Ticket

Best excuses to TRY and get out of a ticket…

People have asked me what excuses people have used to try and get out of a citation, and when I told some of them, they didn’t believe someone actually had the nerve to try them.

Sooo, here’s a few. With my response in parentheses (my “inside” response)

Best excuses used to avoid getting a speeding ticket;

     1) There’s a speed limit after dark?”

(It’s daytime. Take your sunglasses off)

2) “Someone found my dog.  I’m going to pick it up”.

(Does he have a deadline?)

3) “I’m running out of gas”

(You get better gas mileage if you drive slower)

4)  I have to pee”

(You drove by 16 businesses that have public restrooms)

5) "My water broke and I’m having a baby, so I’m going to the hospital”

(Are you giving birth c-section to a pillow ‘cuz the corner is sticking out from under your shirt)

6)  “My sister is lost, so I’m going to pick her up”

(I guess she’s not lost if you know where to pick her up)

7) “My kid crawled out of his car seat and I was trying to get him home”

(I’ve got a citation for that too)

8)  "I couldn’t have been doing 43 mph because my speedometer (digital) only shows even numbers.

(So you time-warped from 42 to 44 mph?)

9) “You pulled me over because I’m black”

(No, I pulled you over because you were clocked at 50 mph in a school zone)

(P.S. I gave him my radar gun and asked him to show me the next speeder.  He pointed one out doing 35 mph.  I asked him, “what color is the driver?”  He apologized.)

10) “What the f*#k did you pull me over for, God d@*%”t?!”

“Sir, I pulled you over for traveling at 50 mph in a posted 35 zone.  Where were you coming from in such a hurry?”

“I was just leaving church and there’s a lot of our congregation that hate you mother*&^%ing cops!!”

(Geez.  What’s the church called?  I’m afraid to ask)

11) “I was getting my birthday present”

(Both the driver and the passenger were completely naked AND drunk.  I’m not sure if he was getting a body shot or what…)

12) “I have to milk my breasts” (She had the breast pump in her lap. Warning issued)

Best excuses in a vehicle accident investigation.

1)   “He stopped for no reason”

(He obviously had a reason, probably because you were riding his ass)

2)  “A black dog/cat ran out in front of me”

(Why are the animals always black?)

3)  “My brakes failed”

(Hmmm.  The 60’ 4 wheeled locked skid from your car says differently)

4)  “My car has a mind of its own”

(At least something on the road has a brain)

5)  “That’s a dumb place to put a tree”

(Maybe you should’ve been on the landscaping committee and had the tree planted in the middle of the roadway instead of in the planter area, 20’ off the roadway)

6)  “I HAD the green arrow”

(There’s no green arrow on that signal.  Do you have a corrective lenses restriction on your license?)

7)  “My car surged forward by itself”

(Guess your 6” spiked heeled shoes had nothing to do with it)  

8) “I don’t know what happened”

(No mention of hair color here)

9)  “I’m drunk”

(No breath analyzer needed here.  Phewww.)

10)   “I’m not drunk.  Yes, I’ve been drinking, but I’m not drunk”

(Subsequent questioning revealed 15 beers, 4 shots of “Jack Daniels” and numerous other alcoholic beverages imbibed during his birthday party).

Yes, these are real excuses. And I’m sure there are more.

                These have all been used, sometimes repeatedly, so YOU need to come up with an original excuse and let me know if it works. Good luck!