World Superhero Registry. Yes, it’s true.

Last week, I let you know about “Phoenix Jones”, a real-life “superhero” that was arrested by police in Seattle for pepper spraying several citizens.  Phoenix believed they were in a fight.  Reports were otherwise.

The whole “superhero” thing piqued my interest.  I’ll be honest with you; I’ve been collecting comic books since I was a kid and have watched the latest superhero movies as an adult (Thor was the latest movie).

Sooo, I began poking around the internet and guess what?  There is a “World Superhero Registry” (World Super Hero Registry)  Yes, there is a website dedicated to those who want to dress in tights (and some not so tight) and fight crime.  Honestly, a few are a little flamboyant and really don’t accomplish anything, like “Pink Man”, who wears a pink (really) unitard and rides a unicycle.

Colorful names like “Nostrum”,  every color of “Arrow”, ”Angle Grinder Man”, “Death’s Head Moth”,  “MotorMouth”, “Nyx”, etc., abound.

So dedicated is this site, it lists active, retired, and heroes in training.  It also lists training academies (the last one was scheduled on Oct 16^th, 2011).  There is a list of resources such as people to contact who want to make you your next superhero costumes, electrical body armor and weapons, give legal advice, participate in a blog to get advice on how to get started as a superhero, etc.

Included in the lists are; the superheroes picture, name, if his/her identity is known (some are listed as semi-public), FAQ’s, superheroes philosophy, any “arch enemies”, organizations they belong to (Not one was a member of the AFL-CIO), the area where they are active (some are in foreign countries), websites and their mission statement.  Not one superhero vehicle was listed or shown.  Guess mechanical aptitude is not a requirement to be a superhero.  Boring…

Not listed are any “superpowers” or special weapons. No one appears to be able to fly, or at least anymore (probably listed under the “retired” listing.  No listing for “expired”). There is a lot of capes and bulky, baggy clothing, scarves and other items that would be great to grab during a fight.  Didn’t they watch “The Incredibles”?  Remember Edna?   She explained to “Mr. Incredible” why capes were detrimental to superheroes.

If I were going to design a superhero costume, it would be made of a flexible, slick material with mica particles so it would reflect different colors based on the ambient light. Snug fitting with Kevlar inserts to protect the vital areas including a ballistic “cup”. The skullcap would have a thin, but solid ceramic polymer that was custom fitted to my large cranium (7 ¾ hat size) with digital hearing devices implemented into the earpieces and protective eyepieces that transitioned with available light, had magnifying ability and could resist small arms fire.  The gloves would be a combination of rubber for grip, leather for durability (deer skin seems to hold up to human sweat better than cow skin), Kevlar for protection and insulated against shock as the fingertips would have the ability to generate 150,000 volts upon touch.  The shoes would have a cross between rubber and hard plastic and I could alternate which medium I wanted to be in contact with the ground by using a built-in lever on the shoes.  My utility belt would be able to spray/shoot a chemical agent capable of disabling the criminal, light up the area and hold the necessary tools of the trade, such as high tensile strength rope, striking tools, cutting instruments, a large caliber less than lethal weapon, and of course, handcuffs.

My vehicle would be a smaller, all-wheel drive with adjustable suspension so it could be raised for off-road ventures, carbon-fiber panels infused with Kevlar and also with mica for a chameleon effect. Old fashioned smoke and oil dispensers in the rear and a complete electronics array for searching the town for bad guys.  An electro-magnetic-pulse gun to disable other vehicles electronics.  A winch system in the front and the back that shoots darts that anchor into anything they hit.  Run flat, and armored tires.  Extendable spikes to shred other vehicle tires and fenders.  Full skid plates, etc. And of course a cappuccino machine.

A name?  Sorry.  Never gave this superhero stuff much thought……..snicker

_____________________________________________________

Today Las Vegas was the location of a Sporting event tragedy: RIP  Dan Wheldon

These superheroes don't have their own comics

These superheroes don't have their own comics.

Merriam-Webster dictionary defines “superhero" as: a fictional hero having extraordinary or superhuman powers; also: an exceptionally skillful or successful person.

On October 9, one of Seattle's most, probably only, popular superhero was arrested.

Yes, Seattle has a superhero. Actually, they have a group of superheroes called the "Rain City Superhero Movement". (reallifesuperheroes.org)

Evidently only one of the movement has been proactive.

“Phoenix Jones" was arrested for pepper spraying several citizens whom he believed were involved a street fight.  Extraordinary or superhuman powers? Skillful or successful?

I’m pretty sure pepper spray is not extraordinary or super human unless you have a natural tendency to spray it from a body orifice. I'm also pretty sure that you would not want to deal with the consequences, personally, after you’ve sprayed someone.

Evidently, Phoenix also carries some sort of stun device. Again nothing special.

As far as skill, I'm not sure who came up with his costume but it is pretty sharp, with a built-in, bullet resistant vest and stab protection.

Success? While dressed up in his fancy costume and in patrol mode, his mode of superhero transportation is…wait for it..... his godmother’s Kia. When police were notified of a masked man driving a Kia, they tracked the registered owner down and asked if she knew who was driving her car. She stated it was her godson and he was out “doing good deeds”.  So much for the secret superhero lair.  When he was arrested for the pepper spraying assault, he was booked in under the name of Benjamin John Francis Fodor.  So much for the secret identity.

Okay, at least he has transportation, but as for meetings with the other superheroes...... well, I wonder about these meetings. When they decided to form this movement and come up with their costumes, were they all playing with latex and spandex? I'm guessing Phoenix is the chief “Superhero”, or the president or whatever they call the head of the superhero group. Did they vote him in based on his powers? Or is he the only one that had superhero transportation?

The superhero group has a membership of 9 superheroes, including Phoenix Jones. For some odd reason, Phoenix's wife, Purple Reign, is not listed among the members, who are identified as; Thorn, Buster Doe, Green Reaper, Gemini, No Name, Catastrophe, Thunder 88, Penelope and Phoenix Jones.

I couldn't find any crime busting stats for any of the other eight superheroes.

Honestly, I am hoping that they come out with a calendar with photos for each month of each superhero. Since I could find no statistics on the other members, my imagination is running wild. Purple Reign? Penelope? I'm not sure how the ratio of women to men among the superhero ranks is but some of the costumes I've seen on the female superheroes in the movies keeps me wanting more.  

Believe it or not, we found that there are even more superheroes in Seattle, but they don't want to be associated with the “Rain City Superhero Movement”. Two other heroes named “Capt. Ozone”  and “Night Owl”  do not want to be recognized as members. Seattle, not Gotham City, Smallville, or New York even, must be the superhero capital of the world.

Here in Las Vegas, ”Batman” was seen on the strip getting his ass kicked by a drunken tourist.  I would post the link but some of the language is not family friendly.  Check it out on YouTube. 

Evidently superheroes in Las Vegas don't cut the mettle.

Guess that's why they're called Street performers, not superheroes. Or maybe that's the Superhero Junior Varsity Boot Camp.....