Last week, I let you know about “Phoenix Jones”, a real-life “superhero” that was arrested by police in Seattle for pepper spraying several citizens. Phoenix believed they were in a fight. Reports were otherwise.
The whole “superhero” thing piqued my interest. I’ll be honest with you; I’ve been collecting comic books since I was a kid and have watched the latest superhero movies as an adult (Thor was the latest movie).
Sooo, I began poking around the internet and guess what? There is a “World Superhero Registry” (World Super Hero Registry) Yes, there is a website dedicated to those who want to dress in tights (and some not so tight) and fight crime. Honestly, a few are a little flamboyant and really don’t accomplish anything, like “Pink Man”, who wears a pink (really) unitard and rides a unicycle.
Colorful names like “Nostrum”, every color of “Arrow”, ”Angle Grinder Man”, “Death’s Head Moth”, “MotorMouth”, “Nyx”, etc., abound.
So dedicated is this site, it lists active, retired, and heroes in training. It also lists training academies (the last one was scheduled on Oct 16th, 2011). There is a list of resources such as people to contact who want to make you your next superhero costumes, electrical body armor and weapons, give legal advice, participate in a blog to get advice on how to get started as a superhero, etc.
Included in the lists are; the superheroes picture, name, if his/her identity is known (some are listed as semi-public), FAQ’s, superheroes philosophy, any “arch enemies”, organizations they belong to (Not one was a member of the AFL-CIO), the area where they are active (some are in foreign countries), websites and their mission statement. Not one superhero vehicle was listed or shown. Guess mechanical aptitude is not a requirement to be a superhero. Boring…
Not listed are any “superpowers” or special weapons. No one appears to be able to fly, or at least anymore (probably listed under the “retired” listing. No listing for “expired”). There is a lot of capes and bulky, baggy clothing, scarves and other items that would be great to grab during a fight. Didn’t they watch “The Incredibles”? Remember Edna? She explained to “Mr. Incredible” why capes were detrimental to superheroes.
If I were going to design a superhero costume, it would be made of a flexible, slick material with mica particles so it would reflect different colors based on the ambient light. Snug fitting with Kevlar inserts to protect the vital areas including a ballistic “cup”. The skullcap would have a thin, but solid ceramic polymer that was custom fitted to my large cranium (7 ¾ hat size) with digital hearing devices implemented into the earpieces and protective eyepieces that transitioned with available light, had magnifying ability and could resist small arms fire. The gloves would be a combination of rubber for grip, leather for durability (deer skin seems to hold up to human sweat better than cow skin), Kevlar for protection and insulated against shock as the fingertips would have the ability to generate 150,000 volts upon touch. The shoes would have a cross between rubber and hard plastic and I could alternate which medium I wanted to be in contact with the ground by using a built-in lever on the shoes. My utility belt would be able to spray/shoot a chemical agent capable of disabling the criminal, light up the area and hold the necessary tools of the trade, such as high tensile strength rope, striking tools, cutting instruments, a large caliber less than lethal weapon, and of course, handcuffs.
My vehicle would be a smaller, all-wheel drive with adjustable suspension so it could be raised for off-road ventures, carbon-fiber panels infused with Kevlar and also with mica for a chameleon effect. Old fashioned smoke and oil dispensers in the rear and a complete electronics array for searching the town for bad guys. An electro-magnetic-pulse gun to disable other vehicles electronics. A winch system in the front and the back that shoots darts that anchor into anything they hit. Run flat, and armored tires. Extendable spikes to shred other vehicle tires and fenders. Full skid plates, etc. And of course a cappuccino machine.
A name? Sorry. Never gave this superhero stuff much thought……..snicker
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Today Las Vegas was the location of a Sporting event tragedy: RIP Dan Wheldon
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